I’M CALLING YOU OUT!

Well, I promised myself I was going to give y’all somethin’ real funny and sweet to read after such a serious post last week, but I guess my inner preacher had different plans! The thing is, I read something in my Bible this week that I have read probably a hundred times in the last 32 years, but this time caught me totally off guard when it left me feeling like I was standing in a crowded room buck naked, with nowhere to run and hide. Exposed. I mean, God straight up CALLED ME OUT and it wasn’t pretty, people. So being the team player that I am, I figured since you took the time to read this post, then it’s only right that I share this new wisdom with my readers. So guess what? I’m calling you out, too! I mean, we’re in this together, remember?! And I have a feeling this post will hit home for more than just us stepmoms.

It all started the other morning with my favorite Daily Reading Bible (highly recommend) which consists of about four chapters to read each day from different books of the Bible. And by the way, I am always so amazed at how God ties them all together in the most perfect way to give my heart exactly what it needs (or maybe doesn’t want to hear) that day. But anyway. On this particular day I had been reading about King Saul’s fall from God’s favor and the anointing of David before jumping over to Romans 14 and kinda wondering how God was going to pull this one off, because so far I just wasn’t feeling it if I’m being totally honest here (by now, I’m sure you expect nothing less than shameless honesty.) So, I’m just reading along waiting for that glorious AHA! moment when I realize the more I’m reading the more uncomfortable I start to feel…And then WHAM! I got hit with some hard truth.

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. So then each of us will give an account of Himself to God.   Romans 14:10, 12

Being “judgmental” isn’t exactly a fresh topic, but the backstory of these verses is extra cool because Paul is actually referring to judgment amongst believers over “disputable matters,” which are basically things that we all have different opinions on such as what we should and shouldn’t eat, what holidays or holy days to observe, etc. Pretty much any issue that doesn’t contradict gospel truth and isn’t specifically spelled out in the Bible as right or wrong. Or my definition: things that don’t really matter in the big scheme of eternity, but rather just distract us here on earth by getting us to spend an absurd amount of time arguing over them. Let me spare you some pointless future conflict- sometimes there is no true right or wrong answer. Just your opinion and my opinion. And your job is to keep doing what God has called you to do and stop worrying about what God is calling everyone else to do. The only one giving an account to God for you is you, and the only one giving an account to God for me is me. Guess that saying isn’t as stupid as I thought it was. YOU DO YOU AND I’LL DO ME. Can I get an AMEN?! Ok moving on.

Now to Vs. 13 aka The Real Kicker.

“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. If your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.”

I know what you’re thinking. Ok so maybe I’m guilty of the whole judging people part (aren’t we all) but I’m pretty darn sure I ‘m not some weird stumbling block going around eating bad food and destroying people. Well, are you sure about that? First let’s look at what a stumbling block is. The actual Hebrew word for stumbling block is Skandalon, which means the stick of a trap to which the bait is attached and when touched, springs the trap. It can also be described as a thing or person that leads one to fall into sin or destruction. And Paul isn’t talking about just food here. He’s talking about anything that we know offends those around us. Now, let me ask you one more time. Is there a chance that you might be a stumbling block in your sphere of influence? I Know. Me too. I mean I wouldn’t even know how to write about this if I didn’t already have GUILTY stamped on my forehead. Let me ask you something. How many times have you posted some cutesy picture of you and your stepchild on social media, knowing deep down that it will trigger jealousy or insecurity in their mother’s heart? How many times have you overexaggerated something bad about your stepchild to your husband causing friction in their relationship because you wanted to prove a point? How many times have you refused a request from the ex because you wanted to get her back for the last time she made you mad? How many times have you slipped in a “worried” comment in front of your stepchild about their mother, knowing it will make them question her character? How many times have you posted a super hot pic of you and your husband because you wanted to remind the ex how perfect y’all are together and how much happier he is with you?  Aha! I got you on that last one, didn’t I? COULD IT BE that you have been baiting those around you into sin? Ok so you’re not forcing them to do anything, but you might just be the stick that triggers that sin trap.

Stepmom, this isn’t a head issue. This a heart issue. It’s really not about what you’re doing. It’s about why your’e doing it. There’s nothing wrong with posting cute pictures on facebook or saying “no” to the ex. But just remember that there is one person who sees straight into that heart of yours and even if you lie to yourself about the reason you’re doing it, you can’t sneak anything past an omniscient God. He commands us to walk in love. Even with our enemies. Who are you obeying? The desires of your sinful heart or your Holy Father in heaven? The problem here is that when you become a stepmom, you automatically acquire a great deal of power and influence not only in your own family, but in that of the ex’s as well. And included in your new stepmom superpowers is the ability to really tick some people off. And it is WAY too easy to abuse that power. Especially when others are abusing their superpowers, too. All I’m saying here is that when we abuse our power and bait someone else into sin such as unrighteous anger, idolatry or covetousness, we are walking outside of God’s will, period.

I’ve even had to sincerely ask myself if this blog is a stumbling block and have struggled with guilt over exposing the intimate details of my family’s situation, because I understand that although it is MY story, my story involves other people who didn’t exactly give me written consent or even get a courteous heads up about what their “involvement” would be in this new adventure of mine. What I do know beyond the shadow of a doubt is that God has called me to tell my story and to share it with others. Do I stop doing what I know God has asked me to do because it might offend? Heck no! Obedience to God is infinitely more important than what anyone else thinks about what I am doing. 1 Samuel 15:22 says “Behold, to obey is better than to sacrifice and to listen than the fat of rams.” That being said, I have the responsibility of keeping the intentions of my heart aligned with God’s. Every time I finish writing a post, I have to read through it very carefully to make sure I haven’t added in any subtle digs at anyone or tried to prove a point outside of what God has revealed to me. I know as long as I keep the intentions of my heart pure, He will continue giving me the words to write and use them to encourage others. What I’m saying is, we all have the responsibility to be honest with ourselves and ask God to examine our hearts so that He can reveal to us what it is He is calling us to do vs. what our flesh is calling us to do. He promises that He will always give us wisdom when we ask for it!

Stick with me here. We’re almost done, I promise.

So, this is the part where I tell you how God did that awesome tie-it-all-together thing. So how did the story in 1 Samuel 15 & 16 and Romans 14 work together for that AHA! moment? This time it hit me in a totally AWESOME way and had me writing notes like a crazy person as God revealed something so eye-opening to me. You see, God didn’t reject Saul because he did something that was technically “wrong.” Saul lost favor with God because he didn’t obey His commands first and foremost. When Samuel was looking for the next king to anoint, God said, “Do not look on his appearance or the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees, man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” See, God REJECTED King Saul because God wasn’t King of his heart and He ANOINTED David because He said that David was “a man after His own heart.” Neither Saul or David were anywhere close to perfect, but one cared more about what pleases people and the other cared more about what pleases God. Look, being a stepmom isn’t just a position, it’s a calling. God ANOINTED YOU to be your husband’s wife; your stepchildren’s stepmother. God ANOINTED YOU to bring grace and restoration to broken people and broken dreams. And with this calling comes great power. But with great power comes great responsibility. God has entrusted you with this, just as He entrusted David with His people. The real question here is, can you be trusted with it? What does God see when he looks at your heart? In 1 Samuel 15:11, God says “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following Me and has not carried out My commands.” Man that’s rough. I can’t even stand the thought of God saying that about me. But reality is, I disobey Him constantly and abuse the position of power and influence He has put me in. I don’t know about you but I don’t ever want God to look back and say He regrets choosing me for this. I want him to say that’s a girl after my own heart. Saul may have been appointed to a position of power but he wasn’t anointed. That just doesn’t cut it for me. I don’t want to be the one who just looks the part from the outside but gets passed up by God. I want to be the real deal, used by God. I want to be an Anointed Stepmom. And it is the condition of my heart that will ultimately take me from the appointing to the anointing.

So here’s a good place to start. What’s God calling YOU out on today?

“Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.”

Psalm 26:2