Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was my birthday. I woke up to breakfast in bed, my favorite blueberry muffin from the bakery down the road, compliments of my sweet husband. Oh and some cereal quite literally crushed in the bed next to me, compliments of my three year old. After opening a gift from my husband, my sisters and I went and got our nails done and then popped in to the store next door to do a little Christmas shopping. After that, we headed to the the bakery to grab a bite to eat before heading back to our fams.

Before I even got my food, I was told some unexpected, horrible news. News about a friend of mine who is pregnant and has recently received some truly devastating news.

All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. My heart felt like it stopped beating. My head started to spin and I thought I was going to pass out. I had to stop the conversation. I asked for a to-go box, stuffed my food in it and frantically ran out of the restaurant. I got in my car and cried and cried and cried. I hit the steering wheel. I asked God “WHY!? Why did you let this happen?!” 

Here it is, my birthday. A day to celebrate life. And suddenly I feel overwhelmed by death and despair. 

I walked in to my house and collapsed into my husband’s arms. Poor thing, he probably thought something terrible had just happened. And as horrified as he was by the bad news I told him, he wasn’t quite able to fathom the all-encompassing impact it had on me as a fellow mother, who is also carrying a life inside of me. I sat at the table and ate my to-go food covered in salty tears and then I cuddled my three year old like it was the last time. And cried some more. 

Nope, God didn’t shield me from the tragic reality of living in a fallen world. Not even on my birthday. But, as I started rummaging through Christmas decorations in attempt to take my mind off it all, I quickly realized just how grateful I was for the reminder that God sent me today. More like the wake up call.

What a fool I have been lately. This life is so fragile. We aren’t promised another day. Not even another minute. Not even the next breath! How is it I have been so caught up in the distractions of life that I somehow forgot that 95% of what I am distracted with doesn’t matter at all? Not even a little. What matters is GOD. What matters is LOVE. And FAMILY. Sometimes us stepmoms need to be slapped in the face with that reminder, because honestly it is just too dang easy to become consumed, even obsessed with the complexities and frustrations of blended family life and lose sight of the precious gift right infront of us. Even if everything in my life seems to be going wrong, there is still SO much more to be grateful for, even if it doesn’t come wrapped in the pretty little package I was hoping for. All I have to do is open my stubborn eyes and heart to what really matters. 

Stepmama, don’t waste another minute mentally (or physically) whining and ruminating about every little thing that’s not perfect about your family or your life. Don’t wait until something tragic happens to realize how good you really have it. I know I won’t. At least not today. 

Thank you God for that amazing birthday present and I pray you wrap your healing arms around my friend. In Jesus’ name.

Here’s to 33!