WHAT’S IN A NAME?

STEPPS can be used as a short word for stepparents, but the letters S T E P P S actually stand for what I believe to be the foundation for surviving and hopefully thriving in stepparenthood!

Surrender.

Surrender your expectations, what you “deserve,” what you “thought it would be like.” Let it go, all of it. Surrender control, because in reality, you’ve never been in control and never will be no matter how hard you keep striving. Accept your reality, understanding that reality involves both good and bad. There is no such thing as perfection. True acceptance is a process. Surrender to the process. Most importantly, surrender your heart to God and watch what He will do with your life and family!

Trust.

Trust that God is working all things out for your good. That’s right, ALL things. The good and the bad. If it happened, then there was a purpose for it. Trust this even when you don’t see how everything could possibly turn out OK. You don’t have to understand it to trust God with it. Trust God when you are being mistreated, knowing that He will use what others meant for your harm to propel you into a purpose and life greater than you ever could have imagined for yourself. Trust Him with your pain, believing He is more than able to restore back infinitely more than you’ve lost.

Empathy.

Empathy is the only cure for resentment. Practice putting yourself in the shoes of your stepkids, your spouse and the child’s other parent. Do it every single day if you have to. Be willing to take the time to stop and really think about things from their perspective. Step into their pain and let yourself sincerely hurt with them and for them. You might be surprised how easily your resentment and anger is replaced with compassion.

Patience.

Patience means understanding that this is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes a lot of time for everyone to figure out their roles in a blended family. Don’t let yourself get too frustrated because as with life, things are always changing and it’s not going to be this way forever. Believe it or not, in just a couple of years, you will not feel at all the way you feel now. With every year that passes, your “new normal” will feel more normal. In fact, I can promise that one day you will laugh at the things you used to get so worked up over.

Prayer.

Prayer is powerful. Prayer is key. Pray everyday, all day. Tell God your real feelings, the good the bad and the ugly. Don’t hold back. He can handle it, I promise. Be honest about your struggles. God can’t heal what you conceal. Prayer will not change God, but it will change you and realign your heart with His will. Pray for strength when you’re worn out with all of it. Pray for wisdom when you have no idea what to do next or how to handle a situation. Pray constantly for supernatural love, because your good intentions just aren’t cutting it anymore. Most importantly, pray for revelation. There’s a reason He has you here. What is it?

Support.

Support is an absolute must-have for stepparents. Even though stepfamilies are on the rise, the majority of our friends and family have no idea what its really like to be a stepparent in a blended family and often share opinions or advice that can actually do more harm than good and leave us feeling frustrated, misunderstood, judged and invalidated. Probably the greatest two words a stepparent will ever hear are “ME TOO!” Two words that bring instant relief. Two words that we don’t hear nearly often enough. Having real-life, face-to-face support isn’t just beneficial, it’s a lifeline for stepparents- an absolute necessity.